Dear moms: NEVER hide your pregnancy from your partner!
Were you married when you found out that you were pregnant for the first time? Was it a planned pregnancy or unplanned? I am wondering if it would have made a difference in how you reacted to the news. The first time I found out that I was pregnant, we had just gotten back from a vacation celebrating five years of marriage. In fact, we're pretty sure that's where baby girl #1 was conceived. We were shocked but thrilled.
In college, I had a pregnancy scare and I was shocked and frightened. There was no thrilled. Literally, I was out of my mind with fear. Luckily, it turned out to just be a miscalculation of days but my reactions were completely different than when I found out about baby #1.
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Recently, I heard a story on the radio about a young couple that was dating. The woman found out that she was pregnant and immediately broke up with the man and left, without ever telling him that she was pregnant. The child is now 2 years old and she is trying to decide whether or not she should tell him.
When I heard the story, I immediately knew that it was wrong to keep a parent from their child. I try to consider how I would feel if I were a man and my child was kept a secret from me. I would be devastated. Unless that parent is a sociopathic serial killer, a danger to the child, or the devil himself, you have to tell a parent that they have a child walking around and breathing in this world. Not only is keeping that secret keeping the parent from knowing their child, more importantly, it is depriving the child from knowing their parent. Every child deserves to know their parents and where they come from.
It may be our job to protect out children from things that might hurt them, but this woman never said the man did anything. She simply was afraid of what having a baby with someone meant for her, and left. Many people have been there, but when you find out that you are having a baby, you have to behave like an adult on behalf of your child. You have to put the needs of your child before your own. There is no more room for purely selfish decisions.
Now, this is at the point where she feels like it's too late to turn back. But, in this case, she just needs to woman up and face the music. Is it going to be easy? No! Is her child's father going to be angry with her? Most likely. Will there be uncomfortable times of adjustment? Probably. But she can't let it go any further. It's better to face the music now than wait 16 more years, cheating father and son out of a relationship entirely. Two years is a long time but at least the child is still young enough that he will always remember his father being present, even if his father is haunted by those years he missed.
Has she waited too long to tell him? Is it ever alright to hide a pregnancy? I don't think it is beacuse it never turns out well. Someone always gets hurt.
Image via Katya Alagich/Flickr