5 fun ways to use a fake belly bump!
Have you ever wondered why a woman would ever fake a pregnancy? Well, we found one. Federal police recently released a statement saying they arrested a Brazilian woman for using a fake belly to attempt to transport more than 2 kg of cocaine!
Huh? Is this chick crazy or did we just land in a telenovela crime scene? The 20-year-old (only 20?!) was reportedly traveling from central-western Brazil to the northeastern city, Natal when police began a series of routine questioning that they conduct on all passengers coming from areas known for drug trafficking. Apparently, she got super nervous because authorities say she quickly confessed to her crime during the questioning. You'd think if you're gonna sign up for that kind of job, you'd be better at keeping a secret, right?!
Um, WTF? If this hadn't been told by the authorities themselves, I don't think I would have ever believed this story. But, the whole thing did get me thinking – what other bizarre ways could someone use a fake belly? Read on to find out!
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Fake bellies are super useful for:
- Scaring the hell out of a family member: Haven't seen a certain relative or friend in a while? Play the ultimate prank on them by strapping on a fake belly and then acting innocent when they react – as in, "oh you didn't know?" Then whip it off to give them an even bigger shock! Guarantee it'll elicit some laughs –at least from you!
- Improving your sleep! Lots of people sleep on their stomach, which many physical therapists believe to be the worst possible sleep position since it places lots of strain on your back. If you've tried to make yourself change positions but can't and are tired of waking up everyday achy and sore, wear a belly. You'll feel like a fool and your partner might think you're insane, but at least, your fake protruding stomach will prevent you from rolling over!
- Planning pregnancy style early on--like really early on. If you're one of those über fashionistas who needs to plan her outfits for the week over the weekend (yes, these girls do exist and I would know because one of my freshman year college roommates was one!), then pregnancy is probably more anxiety-inducing than a natural disaster. How will you know what fits and what won't? Will the same things even look good? WILL YOU STILL GET TO WEAR YOUR SKINNY JEANS? Wear a bump and find out!
- Getting a seat on a train or a subway. If you're a commuter like me, you know finding a seat during peak hours on any transit line is as likely as finding gold in a public bathroom. Not. Possible. Sometimes I actually do get a seat and then a pregnant lady inevitably comes along and of course I'm getting up in less than 5 seconds. What do you want from me people?! I have a conscience. But, a fake belly would solve that problem--I could just point at my stomach and shrug.
- Proving Rush Limbaugh and other birth control haters wrong. Imagine if all the women in America suddenly walked around sporting fake baby bumps. Think all those men would still be arguing against birth control? Doubtful.
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OK, I'm just kidding. I would never wear a fake belly period, let alone for any of these reasons (except maybe for #1. I do love a good prank! Oh, and #5, cause come on!) But if this Brazilian girl went through all these efforts, who knows what other crazy strange plots people have concocted using fake bellies? These days, anything is possible.
What do you think of this story? Have you ever worn a fake belly?
Image via Policia Federal Brasil