How do you decide to get pregnant a second time, when your first time was an accident?
An unexpected side-effect of having a toddler is that every few weeks, he grows out of something, a toy or shoes, and you immediately start feeling the baby number two pressure. Even if it is completely off your radar, just the sheer act of having to figure out what to do with all the teething rings--do I donate them, do I keep them so I don't have to buy them again--makes you have to address it in some way.
The thing is, I didn't actually decide to have baby number one. Well, that isn't true, I decided to have my son but I didn't decide to get pregnant. My pregnancy was unintentional. I don't know how a person decides to get pregnant. I truly believe that had I waited I was ready to have a child, I wouldn't have. I am even more convinced now that I have a baby that only crazy people "decide" to get pregnant. Rationally, there is never going to be a good time or enough money or enough love in the world.
OK, so maybe I have decided, right?
Wrong. Or so says my basement.
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I am not a keeper of things. If it isn't actively in use, I throw it out or give it away. I hate to see things sit unused and I hate clutter more. Also, I'm not sentimental about stuff so I don't care if those were the socks I was wearing when we celebrated our anniversary--if they have a hole, they are going. And really, I don't even know when our anniversary is.
So all the baby clothes didn't give me baby number two anxiety because that was a no-brainer for me--I knew plenty of people who needed the clothes and I can't stand to see them sit in a bag so every time he grew out of something, I passed it on. Baby clothes have a way of coming back to you. But at about a year, we had to do things like stop using the infant car seat and put away the exersaucer. This lead to a lot of really awkward moments.
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See, we don't sleep--or more like the baby still doesn't sleep so we don't either. And I have a new job and my boyfriend is hoping to leave his. We have a new apartment and want to buy a house. And we fight, like ever other parent of a toddler who doesn't sleep. We are sooooooo not ready to have this conversation. But there we are, standing over a pile of baby toys, looking down and nervously kicking dust. Are we keeping it or donating it?
So we decided not to decide.
We bought shelves and put everything in plastic and agreed to keep it safe and HIDDEN until we are ready to talk about it and now, our basement looks like an episode of Hoarders...
How did you decide to have another baby?
Image via monicasecas/Flickr