Santa Claus, La Llorona and other mythical creatures are real 1
My kids think Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, La Llorona and the tooth fairy are real. They'll learn the truth soon enough and for now I can threaten them with things like, "Santa knows you're misbehaving, right?"
There are no treats in the house 2
Sometimes the only way I can get a treat is by lying and saying there are none in the house. Trust me they still get plenty of treats. I'm doing them a favor.
If you talk back your tongue will turn to chicharrón 3
This is something my mom used to tell me and I don't know what happened, but one day it came out of my mouth, too. Like mother, like daughter I guess.
That a stranger is gonna get mad at them 5
This is another one I stole from my mom. When out in public if nothing I've done to make my kid behave works, I threaten to walk over to a random stranger and tell on them. I don't know why, but it works. They really don't want to get in trouble with a stranger.
Daddy and mommy were under the covers naked because they were hot 6
For reals, though, kids don't need certain details of your life. Am I right or am I right?
That you are leaving without them 7
As if I'm really gonna go hit a piñata at one of their friend's houses without them. Ha! It's just a motivator to get them going.
That the store was out of something they asked for 8
Sometimes I go to the store and forget something my kids asked me for. They can be really unforgiving so I might find myself saying that actually the store was out of My Little Pony toothpaste.
That they're going to get stuck with a fuchi face 9
Too many muecas might make their faces freeze or something, maybe? Probably not, but I tell them this anyway because I don't like fuchi faces all up in my face.