The leaving them alone lie 1
You stepped out of the room for 10 seconds and somehow your non-walking kid managed to make a mess that will take you much longer than 10 seconds to clean up.
The dishes lie 2
You tell yourself that doing dishes isn't really all that bad while fantasizing about hiring William Levy to come over and wash them for you.
The cleaning lie 3
Every time you clean the house you tell yourself it will stay clean for more than a minute. It never does.
The toilet paper lie 5
Even though you KNOW you are the only one who ever replaces the toilet paper, you tell yourself someone else might do it next time.
The shopping lie 6
You head out to the grocery store confident that this one time your kids will behave like perfect little angels.
The sleep lie 7
You wake up tired, but it's okay because tonight will be the night your baby sleeps through the entire night. NOT!!!
The yelling lie 8
You start off every day vowing not to yell, but your kids seem to be hard of hearing or something because before you know it you're yelling.
The shoe lie 9
You tell yourself that if you could just get a pedicure you would actually wear your beautiful tacones.