5 Things my toddler does that I wish I could do

things toddlers do adults wish they could doI'm in the trenches and battling it out on a daily basis with a threenager. My 3-year-old toddler could not be cuter, she could also not be more menacing and conniving. Oh, yes, I went there, I called my toddler conniving, I'm sorry, but she is and it's not just her, it's all toddlers. I realize it's up to me to teach her a better way, a kinder way, but sometimes I have to say I'm a little jealous and wish I could behave like a toddler and get away with it. Think of how much easier life would be if you could just...

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1. Make completely nonsensical arguments and blame everyone else for not understanding you. As an adult it is my responsibility to make myself understood. Toddlers don't have that hang up, they don't care if they aren't making sense, it's still your fault if you don't get it.

2. Cry on cue to get whatever you want. Picture yourself at a store and you love a shirt, but it's too expensive. You offer the salesperson $5 instead of $50 and when she says no, you start sobbing. She feels so bad that you are crying that she buys the shirt for you.

3. Throw a tantrum like it's a valid way to deal with disappointment. Okay, fine, you realize you aren't going to get your way and that SUCKS. Wouldn't it be great to just throw a ginormous tantrum and get it out of your system without anyone thinking any less of you afterward? Not only that, but once you are done throwing the tantrum, you expect someone to sooth you and give you a hug.

4. Insist that you are not tired and then immediately conk out wherever. You volunteer to work overtime because you need the money even though you and everyone else knows you are too tired. Then you pass out on the job with drool hanging out of the corner of your mouth and if anyone tries to wake you up you cry uncontrollably and incredibly loud.

5. Pull rank when people aren't taking you seriously. You are in a room full of very important people and it makes you feel small, very small. Naturally, you interrupt everyone and announce, "Excuse me everyone, but did you know that I am a princess?! It's true. Look!" And then you twirl around and sing a Disney song.

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Topics: toddler  parenting  parenting humor  humor