8 Experiences all new moms will go through

new m om issuesOh my gosh, there are some things that you will never know unless you get pregnant and have a child. Some of them you may have heard of, but hearing about something is not the same as experiencing it first hand. Others will come as a complete surprise to you, but know that you are not alone and that from now on you can look at new moms with a knowing look because you've been there!


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Here are eight things all new moms go through:

1. A sneeze can be a pee pee emergency. Sometimes after you have a baby, a sneeze can be more than a sneeze. It might just make you pee pee a little. That's why you need to be doing your kegels ladies.

2. It's period payback time. It was so nice not to have a period the entire time you were pregnant, but now that you've had a baby, you better stock up on them maxi pads because you are going to be bleeding for weeks.

3. Your poop has turned into concrete. You wondered why the doctor sent you home with a prescription of stool softener. You've never had a problem in that area, so you're not all that good about taking it and then the first time you try to go potty, it's like a HUGE lump of hard cement is trying to make its way out of you. TMI? I don't care, it's totally the truth!

4. Your boobs are no longer your boobs. They've taken on a life of their own and grown to proportions you never imagined. They are intent on getting their own zip code.

5. Nobody gives a damn about you. Or at least that's how it feels. Everyone coos over the baby, nobody coos over your hooha and how it pushed that baby out. Sometimes they will remember to ask you how you are doing, but it's only after you've sighed so loudly they thought one of your boobs must have popped.

6. You can't sleep while the baby sleeps. You want to sleep, you think about it all the time, but your baby sleeps for 15 minutes, wakes up for 15 minutes, poops, goes back to sleep for 15 minutes, cries because she's hungry, pukes, then falls back asleep for 10 minutes. Who the hell can sleep under those conditions?

7. You want to cry all the time. I don't know why, you just do.

8. You are surrounded by liars. People tell you how good you look and you know they are lying because you own mirrors.

Image via Corbis Images

Topics: humor  parenting humor  having a baby