Is "casual sex" the norm for teens these days?

Call me old fashioned but I still believe that when you have sex for the first time, it should be with someone "special." I was raised by a traditional Latina who believed in abstinence until marriage.  She also discouraged my sister and me from using tampons and going to the gynecologist before marriage! Believe me, I don't expect my 17-year-old daughter to uphold these old fashioned values, but I'm having a hard time accepting casual sex as the norm for her.


I really struggle with the advice that my friend gave me that I should solely focus my conversation with my daughter on safe sex and to avoid discussing the emotional aspect. My daughter, Carolina, and I have already had plenty of conversations about the birds and the bees over the years, but the issue of casual sex has become a focal point because Carolina is going to the Bahamas with her friends for Spring Break. I recently asked her how she feels about casual sex but she didn't want to talk about it.

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This has also been a popular conversation among my middle-aged friends since several of them have recently divorced and, for the first time in their lives, they are experimenting with one-night stands. I can totally relate to this change in attitude when you're older. I guess it has to do with maturity and knowing that sex is just one aspect of having a deep relationship with someone.Although most of my friends say that the moment they have sex, it's hard for them to continue their relationship without feeling emotionally invested.

My standards for my young daughter are different, though. And, I must admit that my standards for my son will probably be different as well (he's 15 and immature, so I don't think he's there yet). I imagine that during spring break most of the boys are looking for one thing, while I hope that my daughter and her friends look out for each other so that they don't have sex just because others are doing it. This is just ONE aspect of her trip that has me completely stressed. I let her go reluctantly because all of her closest friends are going.

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Do you believe in hooking up or casual sex among teens? Do your standards change depending on age, gender or other factors?

Topics: sex talk  sex  teenagers  teen issues


Do you believe in hooking up or casual sex among teens? Do your standards change depending on age, gender or other factors?

on Mar 2, 2013 at 12:24 PM
Sex to kids these days is like its the normal thing to be doing when obviously its not.
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on Mar 14, 2013 at 12:12 AM

I never believed in virginity or saving yourself for the right person.  Actually, I always believed that sex was just sex, I never wanted to attach feelings to it.  And to this day, I am married with kids, love my husband, but sex is still just sex.  I refuse to attach emotional feelings to it and I won't tell my children to save themselves for a special person either.  In my opinion to believe that is to set yourself for a big disappointment.   I also believe that people need to have more than 1 sexual partner through their lives to be a healthy sexual being.  I do believe in casual sex at a certain age and in autoexploration.  There is nothing wrong with that, as long as it is done in moderation and with care.  Yes, there is a lot of vd's out there, but unfortunately a lot of the times it is contracted through a steady couple, not on casual sex.  Instead of teaching my kids abstinence, I am teaching them to do things responsibly.

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