I have a friend that runs a shelter for underprivileged mothers-to-be in Mexico City. These are women who decide to have their babies and then have them sent to an orphanage, until they're put in adoption.

I spent some time at La Ciudad de los Niños many years ago, I used to help during special occasions like Posadas and Holy week festivities, I was amazed at how nice the place actually was, it took a lot of effort from my friend to raise the money to keep it running, but even with the lack of many things, these kids looked happy and loved by their "mothers," which is what they called the women living at "la ciudad" and caring for them.

All of this came to mind last night while I was reading about Torry Hansen, a woman in Tennessee who adopted a Russian kid and decided to give him back to the system where he was adopted. Hansen is now asked to pay $150,000 in child support.

This is insane, but my friend pointed out that many children are returned after a year or two. She said that one of the most recurrent cases where moms who couldn't get pregnant. These women get all anxious to become mothers and opt to adopt but suddenly one day, surprise! They get pregnant with their own baby and they decide that the adopted kid is not "needed" anymore. These kids who are "returned" develop even more trauma, neglect and abandonment issues, thus making it harder for them to get adopted "again."

To prove my friend's point, here are some stats: According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway of the US Department of Health and Human Services, between 10 and 25 percent of adoption placements disrupt, that is, end before the adoption is finalized. Disruptions occur more frequently in the placements of older children but it also happens with babies. Dissolution or ending an adoption after it has been finalized, occurs in about three percent of adoptions.

Many of these kids whom are adopted come with problems – they are abandoned babies, they're biological kids of drug addicts. There are thousands of reasons for their inability to adapt so easily to a new home and to having parents.

So my question is, once these people decide to adopt, what are they thinking? Don't they do their research before deciding to take such a big step? It takes a lot of courage to adopt so if people lack such courage -- they should stay childless -- for God's sake.

Once you adopt a baby he or she becomes your child, regardless of the behavior and regardless of the problems that accompany the kid. You take an oath in a courtroom to love this child no matter what and to commit to them for life. It's the same as giving birth and becoming a mother.

Adopted kids don't come with guarantees, but neither do biological kids, and God knows it's not easy with one's offspring either, but do we ever consider "returning" them?

No we don't. It's unthinkable. That's why.

What do you think of all these parents who "return" their adopted kids once the problems start to arise?

Image via Thinkstock

About the author

Sofia was born in Mexico and moved to New York in 1997. She has a 6-year-old girl and a 2-year-old boy who are usually the main characters in her blog Slap cada día. After  a long career in advertising, last year she decided to leave the corporate world to chase her own entrepreneurial dreams and work on her writing.

 

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