Like most people, when I got married I decided that it would be forever and I'm still going strong on that promise. I love my husband, I love my family, and really want to spend a lifetime on this journey. However, marriage and commitment are not easy.

There are things you gain from committing to a monogamous relationship and there are things you lose. Take sex. In a monogamous relationship you get to have sex with the same person, which with trust can lead to intimacy that is amazing. The flip side is that you only get to have sex with one person, which if you are lazy can lead to boredom. So how do you keep the sex alive without dying of boredom in a monogamous relationship?

Read more ¿Qué más?: 5 Insecurities we all have about sex that we need to get over right now

Different strokes work for different folks, but I'm gonna share what strokes (pun intended) work in my relationship that has been going strong on monogamy for over 12  years now.

  • Don't ever assume the person is yours. What I mean is realize that your partner is there by choice and depending on how you treat them, they can choose to leave. Look at them through the eyes of others. When you are at a party together, step away from each other and notice how desirable your partner is and be happy that you get to take that desirable person home and have your way with them while others can only think about it.

  • Make yourself happy. Don't expect your partner to fill a void in you or think that they can make you change your mind about yourself. Take for example if you ask them whether you ass looks fat in a pair of jeans. It doesn't really matter what they say if you are convinced you have a fat ass. Your insecurities are yours and not for someone else to fix.

  • Practice premeditated sex. It may have been impossible to keep your hands off of each other when you first got together, but trust me, as time passes it becomes much easier. Put sex on the schedule! Don't let a month go by and then wonder when the last time you had sex was.

  • Look at each other. Don't just have sex in the dark. Look each other in the eyes, enjoy the sight of you beloved's body and let them enjoy the sight of yours. If you have issues with your body, do it anyway. Trust me, you are totally shaggable, just accept it already.

  • Embrace fantasies. Create a safe and open space where you are both free to share your erotic fantasies and act them out, don't get all uptight and grossed out. It's normal to have downright filthy fantasies, they're just fantasies and they can be the best way to keep sex from getting boring. If dude shows up with burlap panties he wants you to wear, why not?

I think it's also important to remember that passion ebbs and flows. It's normal to not always be on fire, just keep that pilot light lit.

Image via Thinkstock

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About the author

You can find Claudya Martinez on her own blog Unknown Mami. Stop by, she loves visitors. Of course you can also find her on Twitter or Facebook.

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Filed Under: sex, monogamy, marriage
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