My husband better not cheat on me. Let me rephrase, if my husband cheats on me and I find out, I will make his life a living hell and I have no qualms about it. I have told him so on several occasions. Want to know how I would get back at him if he ever did? It's Ok, I've already told him: "The first thing I'd do after finding you cheated would be to have sex with someone else and then come back to tell you all about it."

I am vicious this way. I even told him once that I would have sex with someone close to him, only to hurt him. Men are deeply scared of the thought of "knowing" about their wive's foreign encounters. They can't live with the constant picture in their minds. It haunts them deep down inside. So I always paint a picture for my husband, just so that he knows exactly what to expect if he betrays me.

Would I actually do all that? I don't know. But I certainly feel like my anger could drive me there.

I CANNOT stand unfaithfulness. I CANNOT stand lying men. Like many other women out there, my thinking is: "I'm still attractive, intelligent and I can even be sexy at times, so why would my husband cheat on me?"

Still, I'm fascinated by the topic, that's why I readThe Truth About Cheating. Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman basically interviewed 200 cheating and non-cheating husbands and found out some very interesting stuff. Check out the numbers, and my rebuttals, below:

-48% of men said that not being understood and appreciated was their main reason for committing adultery.

Oh, give me a break you narcissist and selfish men! We're sorry that our kids and family lives don't allow you to be the center of the universe anymore. Get over it.

- 40 % of men meet the "other woman" at work. This woman praises him, compliments him and makes him feel appreciated.

Yes, it also turns out that "the other woman" goes home to give hell to her legal man whom she doesn't praise as much. That same woman also fantasizes about her lover but doesn't have to put up with his daily insanity, oh no, the man has his own wife doing that role.

This is what I would say to the "other woman": If you love my husband so much why don't you live with him? Try it for a year and let's talk about the praise and the compliments you'll give him after 365 days of living together 24/7.

Listen, I know affairs happen. I also know it could happen to me, or maybe it's happening already (the awful truth is that 60 percent of men in North America will have an affair), but I will not be so forgiving if I find out. I know that if I pretend to forgive him, I'd be bitter, so my only real option would be to leave him.

There are millions of websites and books that give advice to women on how to survive adultery, and they all say the same thing: "In order to avoid any possibility of adultery happening again in your marriage, keep your husband happy".

My question is: Who's going to keep YOU happy? 

This ongoing talk about "happy men" drives me nuts! Why have men cornered the market on being happy all the time? What about the women, the moms, the caretakers? We deserve happiness too, don't we? I would seriously reconsider this "surviving" because if your husband had an affair, rest assured it will happen again. Research proves there's an 80% chance of it and I don't like those odds.

If your husband has cheated you have two options:

  1. You can leave him. Legally, you have the right to do so.
  2. You also can forgive him and work on healing the marriage.

But whatever you do, think of yourself first and what this will end up doing to you. Take good care of yourself, first and formost, because your kids need YOU to be a happy woman too.

Has your husband ever cheated? What would you do if he did?

Image via Thinkstock

About the author

Sofia was born in Mexico and moved to New York in 1997. She has a 6-year-old girl and a 2-year-old boy who are usually the main characters in her blog Slap cada día. After  a long career in advertising, last year she decided to leave the corporate world to chase her own entrepreneurial dreams and work on her writing.

 

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ML...

Dear husband: please if you want to be alive don't cheat on me. Thanks!

sweet...

My husband had an emotional affair. It was hard on me. I decide to forgive and forget. We are happy and i barely think about it. I trust him 100%. But I will file for divorce if he ever do it again.

cinde...
Well i haven:t had the problem but i am happy that it haven:t but if something would.i would the same thingbto see how he likes it &then leave him i dont have time for any lieing cheat or liar
nonmember avatar
Dear Sophia, I was really searching the web alot after my husband cheated on me ( 2 one- night- stands) because I don't want to talk to anybody about it, I just don't feel like it right now, the wound still new and bleeding too much. I loved the way you wrote about cheating It is just powerful. I am a middle eastern and my husband cheated on me with two latinas, plz tell me what to do this is the 3rd day after finding out the infidelity and I am going nuts as I couldnt leave the house nor he did, and I am planning to travel away to my home and just end the marriage but he begged me not to think about divorce and he is being so good to me that I will almost fall for him again because I once loved him so much and now i feel betrayed and he want to win me back. I feel if I stayed with him more Im gonna forgive him in no time.. Which I believe is not good for me. He already looks comfortable that I will not leave him. But deep inside I am in hell. Plz tell me what to do before he take me back and cheat on me again!
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