Just when I think I have seen it all, something goes and truly SHOCKS me on the world wide web. Today, it's Christian porn. Yup, you read that right, I said CHRISTIAN PORN--and no I'm not talking about some dude name Christhian who likes to star in your run-of-the-mill smut (although you will find that dude if you Google those key words, sorry about that IT guys!)--I mean God-fearing, good ol' religious sex!

It's a movement that’s gaining steam in Brazil, but after doing some research, I discovered that the idea has been around since the mid-2000s. The reason the Latin American country is getting so much attention for the concept is that evangelical publication Revista Salvador recently reported on the trend.

I love this idea so much, if not for the fact that it's totally awesome, then for the fact that it has me giggling like a crazy person! Here's their missionary statement (I had to do that, sorry):

Our mission is to clean up that which is currently known as "pornographic" videos, movies, or films. All filmed sexual acts in the Christian Porn genre are genuine intentions to create life, performed by heterosexual married Christian couples. As acts of procreation they are not immoral, illicit, or dirty, but expressions of love between husband and wife, who are in love with each other exclusively. None of the acts are unnatural or adulterous. We feel the viewing of an expression of love shared by a married man and woman is one of the most beautiful and natural gifts bestowed to us by God. Praise God, brothers and sisters.

But before you get all hot and bothered by the fact that there may be some porn that you can watch without going straight to hell, here are the rules of this new genre of sex videos.

  1. All couples must be married. I totally get this rule, makes sense if you're religious.
  2. Sex must be portrayed in the context of a Christian marriage and must be educational. Wait, like educational how? I'm going to need to order me one of these videos, obviously.
  3. Both partners must receive equal pleasure. Woohoo! I'm all for this rule.
  4. No adultery can be depicted unless it shows the horrible real life ramifications. Wait, wait, wait--are they "pretending" to be adulterers and then acting out the negative consequences? Cause I’m calling BS if they're creating a loophole to rule #1.
  5. No dirty talk. Booo!
  6. The sex must be uplifting and inspirational. OK, but that's asking a lot from your actors, just sayin’.

Some of the most popular Christian porn videos to date have been Lazarus Rises and Oh, Come all Ye Faithful. I seriously couldn’t make this up if I tried.

What do you think about the idea of Christian porn? Would you watch it? Do you think religion and porn should ever have anything to do with each other?

Image via Lel4nd/Flickr

About the author

Mariela is the Managing Editor of MamásLatinas for Cafemom. She's also a politics and pop culture junkie and lover of all NY sports teams (except the Mets--'cause really, come on).

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I can see the titles now" "Rockhard of Ages", "Silent Night, Holey Night" and "Go Do It on the Mountain".
nonmember avatar
¡Qué locura! Lo he compartido en Facebook después de reirme un montón.
Oh my.. I can't stop laughing though this is no laughing matter. Lord have mercy.. Humanity is going to hell in a basket unless true repentance occurs.
Borin...

Wow, no tengo palabras

Beaut...

Love it. titles are precious.

sophi...

O.k, now I've heard it all.

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