women working outWant to lose weight fast? First, pick up your wallet. Next, take all your cash out. Now light your money on fire, and feel the burn! But don't forget to breathe. That's important!

Okay, all jokes aside, most of us actually burn through lots of cash in an attempt to lose weight. I know I have. I can't tell you how many so-called miracle pills, crazy contraptions and proverbial magic beans I've purchased in the pursuit of a trimmer bod. They never worked for me. Like, ever! All they helped me lose was money—lots of it.

Read more QueMás?: 12 Mind-blowing facts women should know about cellulite

I love you ladies like I love cake, which is to say I love you all a lot! For that reason, I want to help you avoid making the same mistakes I've made by breaking down exactly which so-called weight loss products you should avoid buying if don't want to lose your money or your marbles.  

Image via Corbis

Fitness trackers 1

Fitness trackers

Image via Corbis

Studies show that fitness trackers are inaccurate up to 40% of the time, meaning the only thing that cute little wrist accessory is helping you lose is money! For the most part, many fitness trackers count the number of steps you've taken and at what speed. However, those stats aren't sufficient enough to determine how many calories you've burned in a single session. A person's weight, BMI (Body Mass Index), and the amount of muscle mass they have dictates how many calories they'll burn while in motion and at rest. Womp womp.

Advertisement

Waist trainers 2

Waist trainers

Image via Amazon.com

I want to shake women who wear these to the gym. Sorry to tell ya, but you can't put your fat in a choke hold with one of these supposed waist-trimmers in the hopes that it'll scream "uncle" and go away. Seriously, where is it going to go? Down to your hips or up to your breasts? No, chica. These belts just press your fat into your organs, making everything from sitting to eating excessively uncomfortable. Not. Worth. It!

 

 

these supposed waist-trimmers do nothing more than limit your range of motion, making it harder for you to actually workout, which in turn makes it more difficult for you to lose weight.

 

Advertisement

Neck toner devices 3

Neck toner devices

Image via Amazon.com

Nod if you've seen commercials for these supposed neck toners. Now keep nodding for about 20 minutes and you'll likely yield results comparable to those achieved by people who were suckered into buying one of these contraptions. You see, most neck jiggle is the result of excess skin. Unfortunately, you cannot actually tone skin, only muscle. Sorry!

Ab rocket 4

Ab rocket

Image via Amazon.com

Do you really think something that allows you to lounge will help you lose weight? C'mon! You know better than that. This contraption does all of the work for you, making it so you don't actually have to engage your muscles to move up and down--an action that would require that you expend energy and subsequently burn calories.

Advertisement

Ab circle pro 5

Ab circle pro

Image via Walmart.com

"Just three minutes a day" won't make you thin! The makers of this device were forced to shell out millions of dollars after unhappy customers sued them, claiming the company sold them false promises. Goes to show that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Electric ab stimulator 6

Electric ab stimulator

Image via amazon.com

Shocker! Contrary to this product's claims, "stimulating" muscles with mini electric shocks won't get you a six pack. According to the Wall Street Journal, "the Federal Trade Commission has filed administrative complaints alleging false advertising by four companies [that sell electric ab stimulators], resulting in some $12 million in settlements."

Advertisement

'Sauna' sweat suits 7

'Sauna' sweat suits

Image via Amazon.com

Contrary to what popular fitspo memes would have you believe, sweat isn't in fact fat crying. Sweat is just salty water with a dash of urea, designed to help your body cool off when it's overheated. Plastic sauna suits are designed to make feel extra hot, and therefore designed to make you sweat more than usual. However, it's unlikely that these suits will make you sweat out a pound (or more) worth of water. Besides, even if they did, that would be super dangerous (hello, your body NEEDS agua!), and you'd likely gain it back as soon as you quenched your undeniable thirst. Pass!

 

Hot yoga 8

Hot yoga

Image via Corbis

While you'll certainly feel the heat during hot yoga, you won't necessarily feel the burn--calorie burn, that is. Despite what the tsunami of sweat pouring down your face would have you believe, hot yoga doesn't actually burn a ton of calories. Experts estimate the average yogi will burn about 180 calories in an hour-long session.

 

Advertisement

Saunas 9

Saunas

Image via Corbis

If you want to treat yourself to a little trip to sauna to unwind, then go ahead and do you. However, if you're going to sauna with the intention of sweating out a few lbs, you might want to save your money. Saunas do little more than make you sweat, which will only help you lose a few ounces worth of water weight--water weight you will likely put back on as soon as you drink so much as a thimble worth of water.

Fen-phen 10

Fen-phen

Image via Corbis

Lots of people lost a lot more than weight while on fen-phen. At the height of the weight-loss drug's popularity during the 1990s, reports of fen-phen causing valvular heart disease in patients taking the drug grew rampant. Many people suffered from severe cardiac arrest, and others actually died. As of 2005 more than 50,000 product liability lawsuits had been filed by alleged fen-phen victims.

Advertisement

Weight loss creams 11

Weight loss creams

Image via Amazon.com

There's nothing sweet about these creams. They promise to increase sweat production and blood circulation. While that may be true, we've already established that sweating does nothing more than dehydrate your body. When you're dehydrated, you move slower, burn fewer calories, and tend to mistake your inevitable thirst for hunger.

Compression garments 12

Compression garments

Image via Amazon.com

Compression garments help improve blood circulation, which may help you recover from your kick-butt workout quicker, but that's about it. Any promises that these garments will help you lose fat are false. As we've established over and over again: you cannot squeeze fat out of yourself like toothpaste, nor can you sweat it out.