'The Real Housewives of Miami' recap: In with the new ladies!

A 75 minute long modern telenovela episode... that is what the premiere of the much anticipated and revamped Bravo show The Real Housewives of Miami is. It all starts with the "mamá latina de todas las mamás latinas", Elsa, driving a much too big but very shiny white Rolls Royce, which immediately makes me wonder how is this lady still allowed to drive at age 110?! 

And we're back in Miami! Back to the amazing water views and the splendid mansions. Even though the first hints of clashing egos and telenovela drama, don't start until there are only about 10 minutes of this episode left, there is enough there to make me want to see what's really behind the returning housewives and the new ones too! Let me tell you who's who and what they are up to... 

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Elsa and daughter, returning housewife Marysol Patton, need no introduction. The pair seems to do everything together! Together they shop, and together they drink and party. While Marysol struggles with the absesce of husband Filippe whom she is recently separated from, her mom's sense of humor is still very much there. This lady cracks me up! Even though I only understand every other word she says, she's just another one of your typical Cuban moms (such a character!). I get my best laughs in the show watching and listening to her, that is until she is shown collapsing in the middle of an event. OMG! I hope she's okay not only for her sake but also for ours. TRH Miami would not be any fun without her!

We meet newcomer Miami socialite Lisa Hochstein, married to Lenny aka "The Boob God". She admits right off the bat: "I'm somewhat vain. When I was younger I always said that I was going to marry a plastic surgeon so that I would remain youthful forever." She says she is a "walking business card" for her husband. Looking to move to a new address in Star Island, what they most look forward to is getting away from their current neighbors and meeting new ones, Rosy O'Donnel and P.Diddy included. Wonder who else might be moving just down the street from her. Hmmm... 

 

Joanna Krupa, a stunning model you might also recognize from Dancing with the Stars, is all about her strong personality. An animal activist in her spare time, she is not afraid to speak out. She is engaged to Romain, the owner of Mint Lounge in Miami. She says she likes living in Miami because she likes "being around beautiful people". Joanna confesses to having a problem with drinking, and although I might not know that for a fact, I do know that the problem she has is an ATTITUDE problem!

Ana Quincoces is a Cuban attorney and chef. Family time at Ana's house is a lot more relaxed than I was acustomed to while growing up, not only because vaginas and penises are easy topics of conversation at the dinner table, but also the mere fact that soon-to-be-ex-husband Robert is just as much a part of her everyday life as your husband is of yours and my boyfriend is of mine. This Latina definitely is a lot more open than my mom was with me and my sisters. Besides co-parenting their two twenty something year old daughters, she and Robert manage a law practice together, and also seem to be in more into each other's personal business than they should. When referring to Robert's 30 year old Colombian girlfriend in a conversation with Lisa, Ana says: "Don't you know that Colombian women have cornered the market on being nice to men?" Wait! What?! I wonder exactly she meant by that?

Karent Sierra, "the dentist to the stars" (Pitbull and Eva Longoria are some of her famous patients) is dating Latino soap star Rodolfo Jimenez. She says: "I'm Colombian and people tend to gravitate towards us."  The also former beauty queen is the kind of dentist I'm sure many Latino guys would like to have! But then there's the suegra, Karent's mom who is like a bulldog. If Rodolfo doesn't tread carefully around Karents' mom and dad he might just get a fu-fu for breakfast tomorrow.

Another returning housewife Adriana De Moura, an art dealer, stays busy doing nothing by the water when her fiance Frederic surprises her with an invitation to go see the new yacht he surprised her with, an antique yacht that he expects her to move into once he's finished refurbishing it. Ah! There is one thing I can completely agree on with Adriana: we both must have our WALK-IN CLOSETS! 

As returning housewife Lea Black debates over what to do with her "modest shack" and she goes on and on about why she should tear it down and start from scratch, we are reminded of why sometimes with some people it's best to tune out than to listen them.

Here's a preview of what's to come...

I bet there is much good gossip to listen to and catfights to look forward to in TRH of Miami episode 2. I'll tell you what happens, next week right here...

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Topics: the real housewives of miami  trh of miami